Do you ever shut up?

I’ve had the misfortune of traveling on the same bus with you on numerous occasions now, and am still not sure whether I’m infuriated by the sheer volume of your voice, or jealous of your cheerful disregard for the people around you.

In your defense, I must admit that you are always with a companion, so your endless monologue wears the disguise of conversation thanks to her monosyllabic responses. But do you ever stop and listen to yourself?

You keep claiming to love conversation. Why, then, do you practice so little of it? In conversation, all participants get to weigh in, not just to prod you along with hums and affirmatives, but to express their own, possibly quite different views. Your monologues don’t qualify, since to you, your companion’s contributions merely act as interpunction to your stream-of-consciousness blathering.

You extoll your qualities as a listener. Little proof of that is in evidence, though, as you speak so much your companion doesn’t even get a chance to offer up anything you might listen to. If you’re such a good listener, though, you should know that listening entails more than hearing words come out of other people’s mouths. How can a good listener like you ignore the non-verbal cues, the frowns, the inattentive nodding, the monosyllabic responses, the window-gazing, that signal as loud as any noise that your companion is tired of your avalanche of words?

Your political opinions channel Geert Wilders, with all his populist pipe-dream plans, and very little of his rhetorical power. Your little life philosophies echo last year’s Flow magazine, or yesterday’s aphorism section of the tabloids. Have you ever actually had a thought of your own?

You exhort the importance of respecting everyone, treating all others as equals, and even toss out that reactionary favorite, “some of my best friends are [insert minority monicker]”. But with the same passionate conviction, you express scorn for those who don’t see things your way. Are some humans more equal than others, then?

You claim fluency in five languages in addition to your native Dutch. You’ve demonstrated you proficiency in English to everyone within earshot, however, and compared to you, even our former Prime Minister Balkenende spoke Oxford.

And what’s the use of speaking six language if you don’t have anything worthwhile to say in any of them?

Kind regards,
Floris M. Kleijne