Marvelous job opportunity for the outrageously obnoxious and terminally thick!

Have you been fired as drugs mule? Been found too stupid and anti-social for the gang life? Failed as child pornographer? Apply now!

Job tasks include:

• blindly assuming all callers are idiots
• deliberately misreading, misunderstanding and misconstruing every word in each caller’s question
• in discussions with callers, contradicting yourself as often as you can and misstating everything the caller has previously said
• making callers repeat their problem as often as you can make them
• avoiding clear answers and working solutions at all costs
• carefully selecting the least applicable of our extensive database of useless answers

Required skills:

• none (communication and social skills undesired, any level of literacy an immediate disqualifier)

Apply now and you may be driving our callers to a homicidal rage tomorrow!

Needless to say, I was a bit annoyed last night when I wrote this. Who can blame me, after not one but two help desk operators (of different firms) performed their job tasks (see above) at me in one day, and with exquisite skill and accuracy? In all fairness, I should mention that both my employer’s ICT help desk department and that of Dutch ISP XS4ALL are exempt from this sweeping condemnation.