A while back, I mentioned that Leading Edge Magazine wanted to put Diamond Sharks through what they call a ‘developmental editing process’. As editor Audrey Gonzales explained in her email, this meant their DE department would provide me with a list of editorial suggestions for the story, and encourage me to submit a rewrite based on their suggestions. Not quite a rewrite request, but close enough.
Three months followed of nothing happening. So much nothing, in fact, that I’d scheduled a query email for today.
But then, last night, as if Audrey sensed my intention to query, their DE suggestions arrived in my Inbox. And as I read them, I voiced my agreement with each subsequent suggestion so loudly I startled my wife. Not only have they pinpointed every weakness in the story and suggested excellent ways to turn those weaknesses into strengths, they’ve also found time for some ego-tickling compliments on the bits that do work.
The first scene is very engaging. It provides just enough information to make readers interested in what is going to happen next.
The meeting between Varma and Brian on Oceana is delightfully awkward.
We love the descriptions you provide of Oceana. They are vibrant and lush and are, perhaps, the greatest appeal to this story. Oceana is a very real location within the story.
Those are very nice, but the best bits are in the suggestions for improvement. Of course it’s better to show his changed feelings for her in how he responds to her hug! Of course I should move that info dump out of that action scene! Of course Varma’s character should be deepened here, and her desire to go to Oceana foreshadowed there! And the best part is: every single one of their suggestions can be incorporated in the story by changing or adding maybe a dozen words on average.
Except the problem with the underwater lighting. I’ll have to think about that one.
So now I’m practically chomping at the bit to start the rewrite. It’ll have to be next weekend, unfortunately, but no later. There’s no way I’m waiting until after NaNoWriMo!
