How annoying. A Dutch Christian organization thought it necessary to distribute about 6,000,000 copies last week of a flyer arguing the relative value of creationism vs Darwinism. What a waste of paper, ink, effort, and energy!

Not that I’m against the flyer per se. After all, everyone is free to say whatever they want.

What annoys me is how they argue against Darwinism. In their eagerness to sow doubt about the validity of Darwin’s brainchild, they have come up with the worst non-argument conceivable:

“Listen, people, it’s only a theory!”

Worst thing is, they probably thought they were very clever when they came up with it. They may even have interviewed an evolutionary biologist. I imagine the interview went something like this:

But Professor, isn’t it true that evolution is only a theory?” asked the Reverend.

“Reverend, that hasn’t been a valid philosopho-scientific argument for a century,” the Professor replied.

“That’s not an answer, Professor. Is evolution only a theory?”

With a frown, the Professor sat up straighter, and began counting on his fingers.

“Is nuclear fission only a theory? Is cancer treatment only a theory? Are Mendelian genetics only a theory? The essence of modern science, Reverend, is that we don’t discover absolute truths. We discover facts about the natural world, and formulate theories to explain those facts, so every single thing we ‘know’ in science”–he marked the quotes with his fingers–“is a theory. A theory, I might add, that is valid as long as it hasn’t been disproven, and gains predictive value with every empirical observation supporting it. I don’t see the fact that the curative value of antibiotics is only a theory stop you from taking your pills when you have an infection, Reverend. Saying that something is ‘only’ a scientific theory–” again, his fingers marked the quotes–“is synonymous with saying it’s science: a coherent explanation of the natural world, supported by a wealth of empirical evidence, and never disproven despite energetic efforts to that end!”

Here the Professor, who had gotten increasingly agitated as he spoke, sank back into his chair and drank deeply from his glass of water, before finishing with:

“Which is more than I can say for creationism!”

The Reverend was unmoved. His peaceful countenance threw up some doubt whether he had even listened to the Professor’s brief speech.

“Yes or no, Professor: is evolution a scientific theory?”

“For God’s sake, man, desist!”

“Is It?”

“Did you hear me at all? Yes, evolution is a scientific theory, as is–”

But the Reverend had already jumped out of his seat, beaming triumphantly, and revealing the recording device hidden under his robe.

“Ha!” he cried out, and whipped out his cell phone to signal the go-ahead for the first print run.

Religion doesn’t bother me. I’m a great believer in freedom of speech. Even the abuse of a small forest for this inane and pointless purpose isn’t that big a deal.

But willful stupidity gets me riled up every time…